Hi there, being quite happy and over cloud nine recently. I guess family does give you that sense of 'complete' ain't I right? It's been 6 months since i last came home. Been super attached to my boyfriend for the past few months so whenever I have holiday, I will be there in JB rather than go back to my family. A lil bit guilty but things could be better with a lil bit of adjustment right. I guess I just need more time to find the balance in between. As what being mentioned earlier, since i tend to spend more time with my bf, so I'm already start missing him and wanted to go back to JB So badly after coming back for just 2 weeks lol.

Things were really really good for me.

I've moved to a new place, again. Lol. Hopefully this will be he last time I ever move house in my university life. I fear KL/ university life. Got a lil panic just by thinking to go back to KL. thinking of hiding myself in the room forever and don't have to go out and meet anyone.
I guess the main reason why is due to lack of friendship.

But I often wonder,
How to do find the balance between love and friendship? And the friends I met in my uni are kinda different from my hs/college friends.
During hs/college time, friends don't get mad when you spend more time with your BF but the friends I mingle around with now get a lil bit jealous? When I spend too much time with my BF.

That's also one of the reaoson of keeping me up tonight because I'm having dilemma. Lol
They are going to Koh Lipe Bay this December and they hope that I can join.
I wasn't really into it because :
1) I don't think I can fully enjoy the trip. To me if I can't fully enjoy the trip and have to worry about tons of stuff, it becomes a waste of time and money. The reason I can't be fully myself during the trip is, I know my BF will never allow as I have to lie to him if I ever decided to go, which is the last thin I want to do.

2) as above mentioned, my BF will never allow. Reason being, the guy my BF super dislike is in our gang.

3) money issue. Going to Pulau Besar with BF this October. Self-sponsored. Didn't want to ask for extra money from parents because they have given me some money early this year when I went to Bangkok. Don't know where can I find money.

4) not the place I wanted to go. Just came back from Redang Island last week, going to another island next month, really sick of going to island again.

5) my presence might as well affect others. They know my BF dislike me to be with them. So if I were to go to the trip with them, they can't post it anywhere on social media. They have to go in secret and lie to others about my presence. I don't think they will enjoy as much if so.

The only reason I might consider is that i truly value this friendship and I don't want to disappoint them. Don't know how to reject them either.

Haiz. Dilemma.

It's has been so long since I last blogged. Got super rusty because thought is super messy right now. Am having finals for year 3 of my degree. 4 papers in total, 2 down, 2 more to go.

Have to idea why I got super easily irritated recently. Maybe it's because of this final stress, or PMS... no idea. Every night I have been so so so negative. Thinking about all the bad things that I have done, first time to say, I regretted some of it. No matter how long things have passed, it still haunts me.
I wished I could change things, but I couldn't.

"You hate yourself because everytime you look into the mirror you know, deep down inside, you are not happy. Shallow, and superficial. Masked at dawn, unveiled at dusk. Self-hatred so intense, loneliness gnawing through ages so endlessly, so hopelessly." Exactly how I feel now.

I remember there's one night not long ago, I listen to a song called "I get to love you" and I got this mixed feeling. Tears couldn't stop rolling down my cheeks, reminiscing how happy I was few years ago.

I remember when I was 18, life was like a dream, full of rainbows, unicorns and all the good stuff. You name it, I have it. I remembered waking up feeling very happy and excited as the day starts and going to bed sleeping soundly and happily.

Things aren't the same no more.

Got to stop nagging. Back to books. Ciao.